Moving house · Undomestic goddess

17 steps to move house: confessions of a serial unrealistic domestic imposter


1.  Say “yes” to the house without remembering that you were only “window-shopping”; sprawling kitchen and a zillion windows are successful enticers.
2. Return to current house in a state of escalating panic at the realisation of the imminent shifting amidst the organisation of a double celebration on a single day for two different personalities.
3. Curse at the lack of space to put things away in current house and be glad of the move.
4. Number and list out the major and minor tasks ahead, and split them up into two. Include the purchasing of essentials such as dainty tea cups to sit amongst the existing but rarely used cups and bottles of essential oils to concoct some potion or the other, for one has all the leisure time in the world.
5. Lose list.
6. Realise the predicament of list when digging through an overstuffed diaper bag.
7. Blame the situation on the spouse as you see fit and jog through the aisles of over scented shops and return with yet another baking pan and more sheets.
8. Experience the dreadful sinking realisation of the things left to pack and gobble up dinners in an effort to begin immediately. Watch through half a season of an enticing contemporary drama and call it a night. Do not blame yourself; you had to learn the fate of the heir of the abbey.
9. Make another list. Tear up list since you forgot to begin with Bismillah.
10. Call your mother to ask a recipe.
11.  Sip on decaffeinated coffee, also known as, gunk, and make another list.
12.  Send a message to spouse to get boxes. Call to emphasise message and discuss yet another scary piece of legislation in the papers.
13. Begin sorting things meticulously  into boxes and tape boxes before labeling them. Stick the printed labels anyway and hope for the best.
14. Slap yourself for forgetting a cupboard. Dump entire contents of said cupboard unceremoniously into a box and faithfully put off unpacking it as long as possible.
15. Get emotional about saying goodbye to the kitchen you never failed to complain about.
16. Forget to bid adieu to your neighbours and return to do so, two months after moving away.
17 Take your sweet time to settle in and ensure to not unpack previously mentioned box. Find reasons to miss your old house and remind yourself to shut the zillion windows at the new one.


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